IELTS GENERAL WRITING TASK 2 For 8 bands: Positive Or Negative Development
In some countries today, children are taught from a young age that competition is important and that winning is everything. Is this a positive or a negative development?
In today’s rapidly advancing world, the pursuit of victory pervades various aspects of life. However, in certain societies, children are ingrained with the belief that competition is intrinsic to learning, with winning as the ultimate goal. I contend that this mindset constitutes a negative development, which I will elucidate in the following essay.
While triumph is undoubtedly a facet of competition, the emphasis should lie on the process of learning and the experiences gained along the way. Parents, educators, and mentors often propagate a stringent ideology, fostering a warrior mentality in young minds where victory reigns supreme, regardless of the circumstances. Consequently, youth are ensnared in a relentless cycle of comparison and competition, risking their emotional well-being by grappling with the inevitable setbacks that accompany failure.
Moreover, this pervasive competitive environment engenders a homogenous atmosphere, stifling fundamental human behaviors such as social interaction, empathy, and altruism. Consequently, individuals may find themselves detached from their surroundings, culminating in detrimental effects on mental health, including anxiety and depression. Tragically, some may resort to substance abuse or performance-enhancing drugs in a misguided attempt to cope with these afflictions.
Conversely, proponents argue that cultivating a winning mindset is vital for the development of youthful enthusiasm and drive. They posit that an unwavering focus on success minimizes distractions and propels nations toward accelerated growth.
In conclusion, while achievement is undeniably significant, it should not come at the expense of mental well-being. The relentless promotion of a hyper-competitive ethos among youngsters represents a concerning trend, with potentially dire consequences for individuals. Therefore, it is imperative to prioritize a balanced approach that emphasizes both success and the enjoyment of the journey.
Evaluation:
- Task Response (TR): The essay effectively addresses the task prompt by presenting a clear argument against the prevailing competitive mindset among youth while providing supporting points and a balanced perspective.
- Coherence and Cohesion (CC): The essay is well-organized with clear paragraphs for each main idea. Transitions between ideas are smooth, contributing to overall coherence.
- Lexical Resource (LR): Vocabulary is varied and sophisticated, contributing to the richness of expression. Idiomatic expressions and nuanced language choices enhance lexical resource.
- Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): The essay demonstrates grammatical accuracy and complexity, with a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. There are no major grammatical errors that impede understanding.
